Sometimes I think of a girl….innocence I’ve only possessed in a dream. She is the pristine perfection of Life itself. When I talk to her my anger at being alive dissipates to nothing, when I spend time with her the world is beautiful. I’ve never held her hand. I’ve never touched her lips. I’ve never been more than just a “friend”. And to the best of my ability I’ve remained a true friend! It’s unreal, to some extint….because as if struck buy Cupid, I have no choice but to worship all that she is and dream of being there to see all she will become….and pray in some way, I’m allowed to help her reach her highest potential.
I say sometimes, yet I mean daily. I’m a romantic you see….I read the ancient stories of Eros and Psyche, and I know I love with such Passion. I read Beauty & the Beast, and believe, I’m destined to remain the Beast. These tales of love’s grandeur inspire me as well as depress me….I yearn for them to be true….and yet, experience is a potent and extremely absolute teacher….so though I have a Spirit that never gives up hope….I have the experience to conclude…I’m a fool!
So, because I accept the experience of reality, I create a place in my mind, where I’m important to her; where I matter; where I’m not someone that can ever be left aside, so that in my mind: unity, heaven, hope, and Love reciprocated are my reality. In this, I find solace, I find comfort! I prefer to Dream than to Live….because I have the power to make what is Good real in my dreams. I tolerate reality as one tolerates mosquitoes while camping….I take precautions but expect it to irritate me.
I can’t stand to look at me in the mirror. I’m not ugly, but I’m not valued! In a world where only diamonds are given to the Love of a Lifetime, I’m the lump of coal they burn to heat the engagement party. That’s what experience has taught me, but I will never lower my standards. If I’m not good enough for perfection, then I would rather die alone, than settle for something that provides what I need yet I don’t fall before in adoration. I’ve only ever met two that meet that standard… It’s not callousness. All paintings are produced by what the artist put into them….and some effect individuals more than others…I have my favorites…works of art that touch my soul, songs that speak to my pain or passion, and stories I never tire of their telling. The same is true of women. They are all special, and many are wonderful, a few are praise worthy, and two deserve the throne in my life…though both turned it down. There may come a third…but I find death preferable than the possibility of another rejection at that level of LOVE! I need to DREAM…now!
Wisdom is Found Through Experience 