Dreams for the future….

It’s difficult being Schizophrenic, most likely bi-polar, and some dis-associative disorder as a result of trauma I’m only now beginning to open up about.  I have dreams, but bringing them into reality is met by so many obstacles, yet I dare to hope someday I will accomplish such a victory as that.

I have three dreams I want to see become real:  1) The Love the One of a Lifetime.  (I won’t be talking about this particular dream here).  2) To be a published and a successful writer, both in fiction and non-fiction.  3)To be a minister in a spiritual order that is not tied to any doctrine or religion.

A writer:  Things fill my head all the time.  The fiction I desire to write is born of the episodes I have lived through the maniacal abstracts of my schitzophrenic mind.  I have a thousand storylines to tell, yet I can only write them in pieces because I’ve only lived them in pieces and the day varies so my muze varies from story to story…it takes forever to create a full picture and even longer to give it narration.

Then there is poetry…sometimes I come up with things that a brilliant, bringing in knowledge from philosophers long dead, history, romance, and religion….and then there are times I couldn’t write a line of verse for a million dollars because I’m depressed to the lulls of the Pacific Ocean.

I also desire to write about my Spiritual journey and use it as a guide to those have yet to embrace a true path.  And again I am besieged by my own psychosis, to paranoid to write, too open to share, too closed to withhold what I only breathe in through my heart in the first place.

A minister: I can never be without the the fulfillment of #1, because only loving another do I become someone big enough to teach, and humble enough to learn.

 

I’m still dreaming….still dreaming…