“A broken and contrite heart, O Lord, you will not despise.” Psalm 51:17
It is difficult sometimes to have a mental deficit that keeps me on guard during schizophrenic episodes, and remember who I am underneath it all. I get lost in the stories that fill my mind and they often are very anti-spiritual, definitely anti-Christ in persuasion, and my faith is buried in an effort to protect the Heart that is so precious to me, one that developed in a Love that taught me to accept myself as I am, and give all of myself in service to Love for another. Continue reading
The darkness of the early morn covers me like a shroud. The prayer of my slow rhythmic breath is felt upon the skin of my folded hands, fingers interlaced and humbly I’m knelt in submission to the peace I so rarely know in the midst of my mental battles, yet drawn back during the moments of sanity I am graced with now. In this act my life is resurected once more. Continue reading
I have cast fire on the world and, look, I am guarding it until it blazes.
If any person has had words that have sparked a flame in the heart of people and grew to brilliance, Jesus is definitely one of them. The wisdom in his teachings are impressive and I love how he teaches with story and parable. In the very effort of understanding him he weeds out those who desire to know from those who have no passion for Wisdom. Continue reading
“Few things under heaven are as instructive as the lessons of Silence”
In the early morn, the stillness of darkness is balanced by the passive reflection of the bright moon. There are no clouds and though my part of the world is covered in shadow, the ambient glow makes the aura of the hour much more compelling to be awake. Continue reading
In Tibetan, the word for blessing means “transformation through majesty or power.” In short, the meaning of blessing is to bring about, as a result of the experience, a transformation in one’s mind for the better.
This has been the Truth I have found on my Spiritual Journey through life. The “renewing of my mind” is not something that is just the result of what I read, but the experience of a power greater than myself drawing from God, my Higher Power, Creation, the Universe, my inner self, whatever is most comfortable to term it for you, the majesty of wonder and awe that inspires and remolds my understanding into something I have never known before. Continue reading
Sometimes my worst nights are followed by my greatest insights into myself and the Truths this Life presents to me. As I lay in the darkness, unable to sleep, but neither am I plagued with the mental attacks I wrote of yesterday, I am overwhelmed with the Truth that I am centered in Love and that Love is with me through the best of times and the worst of times, even when I lose sight of it. Continue reading
“Human relations based on mutual compassion and love are fundamentally important to human happiness.”
~ Dalai Lama
The more I grow in understanding of this Truth, the better life becomes for me on my best days. Being the type that struggles through ebbs and flows both biologically deficient in major neurotransmitters and emotionally pulled taught to extremes inside, relationships have always been difficult for me.
I’ve always had this need to present myself as in control, so no matter how bad my instabilities would get, I would isolate to hide what I didn’t want others to see, and present a facade of everything is cool, or I’m just an asshole don’t pay me any attention. Please forgive the vulgar vernacular here I thought it appropriate when I used it to describe myself for a couple years at the peak of my disabilities when I needed to keep people at a distance…at least, so I thought. I managed to keep secret my Schizophrenia and depression secret for almost 20 years, self-medicating to maintain jobs and raise a family as a single dad. My abilities to do that drained more and more from my strength as each year my symptoms worsened. I finally came to hate the fact I was even alive….
Then, as Life would have me continue on in a different fashion, I was involved an accident that broke my face in 6 places and put me in the hospital on Oahu for 3 weeks. During this time I was approved for medical insurance for the first time in years and with that came an opportunity to seek medical help for my disorders, if I just had the courage to ask for it. I did, and now 9 months later, though I still face some debilitating struggles, and still have a long road of recovery ahead of me, I am rebuilding relationships with family and friends and discovering the happiness those bring as they share my struggles and burdens with me along this road of life. All those years spent hiding my weakness, and had I just had the strength to be vulnerable I would have found the compassion and Love was around me all along.
Yet, though I have cause for regrets, I will use this remorse to build hope for a future I was blind too before the accident. A life with purpose; a life with Love; a life using this gift of mine; a life filled with family and friends.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m sort of a loner, the solitary type; I keep to myself, and strive for the knowledge that can only be found within oneself most of all, and then look for it in kind in the world in which I dwell. Continue reading
The journey into the self is the greatest journey of discovery that I have ever traversed. It has no end as long as I’m alive, I keep evolving, I keep discovering deeper levels to who I am and Truths that define me not only as a person, but as One with humanity and the rest of the Universe. Continue reading
I’m, for the most part, a solitary man, keeping to myself, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a wild social side to me, I just keep that in check for the most part and only let that part of me see the light of day on special occasions with close friends. Continue reading
“One aspect of compasion is to respect others’ rights and to respect others’ views. That is the basis of reconciliation. The human spirit of reconciliation based on compassion is working deep down, whether the person really knows it or not.
Our basic human nature is gentleness; therefore, no matter how much we go through violence and other bad things, ultimately the proper solution is to return to human feeling and affection. So affection or compassion is not only a religious matter, but in our day-to-day life it is quite indispensable.
Respect, much of what I came to believe during my youth had to be unlearned for me to understand the Wisdom I have found to be essential in embracing different religions and cultures. I was raised on television bravado, such as John Wayne, where respect had to be earned or you didn’t get it. This is a TERRIBLE foreign relations policy Continue reading
When I first googled the word “blog” this last April I had never even read a blog, much less written one. I never had any interest in it, but a friend had suggested it might be a good idea for me and I knew I had a natural talent for writing ever since college. Back then, I preferred classes with a 10 page final instead of a test because I new I would get an “A” in that class, without much time investment. I have been writing a journal for over 20 years, so in a certain since, I’ve been preparing for this for a very long time, but I didn’t know I would come to enjoy it so much. Continue reading
“Blessed is the lion that the man shall eat,
so that the lion will become human.
Cursed is the man whom the lion shall eat,
and the lion will become human.” (v.7)
When I read this verse, and meditate upon it, I keep revolving around the term “Lion of Judah”, a reference for Jesus in the Christian tradition. I believe in prophecy, and I believe that because we all are indwelt by the Presence of the Creator then we all have access to knowledge beyond the 5 senses, learning to understand that knowledge and how to use the vision of that knowledge is not something I believe is widely known, nor even accepted.
I believe this verse was spoken in a prophetic since by Jesus in regards to what would become instituted as the Eucharist, or Communion as it is also referred too. “I am the Bread of Life.” (John 6:48) Continue reading
“In the West,
religion became preoccupied
with telling people what to know
more than how to know,
telling people what to see
more than how to see.”
Believe it or not, Richard Rohr is a Franciscan Priest in the Catholic tradition. I find it very refreshing to find not only believers in Christianity, but a member of the leadership and fraternal order to have rediscovered the contemplative awakening of a relationship with the Presence that indwells each of us and I also find in Fr. Rohr a kindred spirit, so to speak, as he speaks and writes very similar to the Truths that I write about both on this blog and in my journals. Continue reading