The Sage still lives, but jaded…

To dye and live is to rise the rose within.It has been a long journey of spiritual seeking, truth hunting, fact missing, book buying, beer drinking, enigma entangled, proselytized confirmation to bring me to the land that is nowhere even remotely close to the evangelical convert of my youth, (silent thanksgiving) and in all fairness, I have found my spiritual answers for deities, demigods, and folklore galore!  I have my direction, my reason to live, and building purpose is slow going but not without hope of success, and still…I’m ready to step it up a level beyond what I can find to satisfy….because the Truth and answers I found were to questions I NEVER WANTED TO ASK!  And now I have all this knowledge of things left simpler had I just turned the page, sang the psalm, and put the quarter in the plate as it passed by, never the wiser, just another regular guy for my Sunday morning meet & greet with the other favorites destined to watch in glee as we see those poor people suffer for their stupidity in following false Gods and believing their traditions after only several thousand years of no other options and now look at ’em; tricked out and burning up the coal house, for Hell’s kitchen to teach them sinner’s the right way, or punish them for the wrong way, or fuck….hell, it’s probably incorporated and heaven and hell are subsidiaries of a larger conglomerate that has the thing fronted up and loaded to lose either way…but who am I to preach….wwjd??  Maybe we should stop seeking a way out of trouble and just say can you just help us make this fucking work right and live a little longer, because sometimes “this shit just sucks!”  [I apologize for the language…I will show some restraint now.]

Continue reading

Learning from the past…

A quote from my personal “hand-written” journals:

“Charity and Freedom, although both important, can never co-exist.  Freedom demands we observe personal rights, where Charity fails to acknowledge such rights ever exist.”

~Zion
Continue reading

Finding my need for atonement again

“A broken and contrite heart, O Lord, you will not despise.”  Psalm 51:17

It is difficult sometimes to have a mental deficit that keeps me on guard during schizophrenic episodes, and remember who I am underneath it all.  I get lost in the stories that fill my mind and they often are very anti-spiritual, definitely anti-Christ in persuasion, and my faith is buried in an effort to protect the Heart that is so precious to me, one that developed in a Love that taught me to accept myself as I am, and give all of myself in service to Love for another.  Continue reading

A peace without pictures.

I am accustomed to extreme bouts of mental unrest, and far too many events of staggering confusion in my disease of Paranoid Schizophrenia.  At times, my mind becomes the battlefield of a war that seems to never end and the carnage is the deep wounds of a fractured psyche and phobias that resonate with the call to arms in a futile attempt at control.   Continue reading

The Breath of Life

I’ve mentioned often my quest for Wisdom and seeking silent serenity through prayer and meditation.  It is not always easy to quiet the mind especially for someone who has ADHD and is Schizophrenic.  The mind races all the time and though medicine help quiet that down some it is still like trying to find a quiet moment in Grand Central Station.   Continue reading

True Prayer

As I thought about what to type I adjourned from my place before the computer to a separate retreat for prayer.  In what follows I wanted to try and capture what takes place for me during these times, which in itself is an instructional guide for me.

There are many forms of Prayer from countless religious traditions, and I have experienced, at least in part, many of these. Continue reading

The Gospel of Thomas (v.8)

Humankind is like a wise fesherman who cast his net into the sea.  He drew it out of the sea full of small fish.  The wise fisherman found among them a large, good fish.  He threw all the small fish back into the sea and chose the large fish without hesitation.  Whoever has ears to hear, let him hear. Continue reading

The voice of God

“Few things under heaven are as instructive as the lessons of Silence”

~Lao Tsu

In the early morn, the stillness of darkness is balanced by the passive reflection of the bright moon.  There are no clouds and though my part of the world is covered in shadow, the ambient glow makes the aura of the hour much more compelling to be awake. Continue reading

Transformation

In Tibetan, the word for blessing means “transformation through majesty or power.”  In short, the meaning of blessing is to bring about, as a result of the experience, a transformation in one’s mind for the better.

~Dalai Lama

This has been the Truth I have found on my Spiritual Journey through life.  The “renewing of my mind” is not something that is just the result of what I read, but the experience of a power greater than myself drawing from God, my Higher Power, Creation, the Universe, my inner self, whatever is most comfortable to term it for you, the majesty of wonder and awe that inspires and remolds my understanding into something I have never known before. Continue reading

Learning while living

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all got a practice run at living before we lived the life that counts?  I mean to have an opportunity to live through the mistakes, retain the knowledge and then do it right. Continue reading

Love Eternal

Sometimes my worst nights are followed by my greatest insights into myself and the Truths this Life presents to me.  As I lay in the darkness, unable to sleep, but neither am I plagued with the mental attacks I wrote of yesterday, I am overwhelmed with the Truth that I am centered in Love and that Love is with me through the best of times and the worst of times, even when I lose sight of it. Continue reading

The Long Journey of Self

The journey into the self is the greatest journey of discovery that I have ever traversed.  It has no end as long as I’m alive, I keep evolving, I keep discovering deeper levels to who I am and Truths that define me not only as a person, but as One with humanity and the rest of the Universe. Continue reading

Just As I Am

I’m, for the most part, a solitary man, keeping to myself, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a wild social side to me, I just keep that in check for the most part and only let that part of me see the light of day on special occasions with close friends.   Continue reading

One with the Way

“Only simple and quiet words will ripen of themselves…

He who cultivates the Tao is one with the Tao”

              ~Lao Tsu Continue reading