Jewels in my Crown

honours471eAs with everything in my life, I alter the plans to work best for me in accomplishing the goals to be achieved from the pattern most of the rest of the world follows.  My idiosyncrasies prohibit me from achieving the desired outcome if I try to do things the way others do them; I spent a lot of years learning this about myself…if I do it another’s way, I always fail, without exception…I know how to adapt things for me, and when came to raising three children, I did the same thing.  I made decisions that would achieve the goals I set for them.  When I looked into the lives others who either were raising children, or had raised children I saw two common denominators…those successes and/or the failures in the lives of the children could always be traced back to the decisions of the parents, and those successes parents always take credit for, and the failures they always blame the children.

My children were unfortunate enough to wind up in a dysfunctional family, with parents who continually made bad choices and thought life was one big fucking party.  If I made choices concerning them the way I made choices for myself, they would have grown up making the same type of choices that I made, and from the beginning I didn’t want that for them, and so I sought the tools they would need to have so that I could make sure that by the time they were stepping into adulthood they would be prepared to face those decisions in a way I never considered before;  and not be jaded and scarred with a lifetime of learning life’s lessons the hard way. Continue reading

The Sage still lives, but jaded…

To dye and live is to rise the rose within.It has been a long journey of spiritual seeking, truth hunting, fact missing, book buying, beer drinking, enigma entangled, proselytized confirmation to bring me to the land that is nowhere even remotely close to the evangelical convert of my youth, (silent thanksgiving) and in all fairness, I have found my spiritual answers for deities, demigods, and folklore galore!  I have my direction, my reason to live, and building purpose is slow going but not without hope of success, and still…I’m ready to step it up a level beyond what I can find to satisfy….because the Truth and answers I found were to questions I NEVER WANTED TO ASK!  And now I have all this knowledge of things left simpler had I just turned the page, sang the psalm, and put the quarter in the plate as it passed by, never the wiser, just another regular guy for my Sunday morning meet & greet with the other favorites destined to watch in glee as we see those poor people suffer for their stupidity in following false Gods and believing their traditions after only several thousand years of no other options and now look at ’em; tricked out and burning up the coal house, for Hell’s kitchen to teach them sinner’s the right way, or punish them for the wrong way, or fuck….hell, it’s probably incorporated and heaven and hell are subsidiaries of a larger conglomerate that has the thing fronted up and loaded to lose either way…but who am I to preach….wwjd??  Maybe we should stop seeking a way out of trouble and just say can you just help us make this fucking work right and live a little longer, because sometimes “this shit just sucks!”  [I apologize for the language…I will show some restraint now.]

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Learning from the past…

A quote from my personal “hand-written” journals:

“Charity and Freedom, although both important, can never co-exist.  Freedom demands we observe personal rights, where Charity fails to acknowledge such rights ever exist.”

~Zion
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