“A broken and contrite heart, O Lord, you will not despise.” Psalm 51:17
It is difficult sometimes to have a mental deficit that keeps me on guard during schizophrenic episodes, and remember who I am underneath it all. I get lost in the stories that fill my mind and they often are very anti-spiritual, definitely anti-Christ in persuasion, and my faith is buried in an effort to protect the Heart that is so precious to me, one that developed in a Love that taught me to accept myself as I am, and give all of myself in service to Love for another. Continue reading
The darkness of the early morn covers me like a shroud. The prayer of my slow rhythmic breath is felt upon the skin of my folded hands, fingers interlaced and humbly I’m knelt in submission to the peace I so rarely know in the midst of my mental battles, yet drawn back during the moments of sanity I am graced with now. In this act my life is resurected once more. Continue reading
I have found that much of what I use to believe or call faith was just imagination. When I was younger and new to Christianity they told me to have faith and God would grant me that which I asked of him….then they would add, “as long as it isn’t selfish.” It took me years of frustrated blind ignorance to come to understand that everything is selfish when I’m not surrendered to someone or something greater than myself. Even my prayers for others would be selfish, or my service to the poor. It all stems from “I feel sympathy” or “I feel good when I do this for you, or others”. It all has a motivational basis within us that in some way or another ultimately comes back to what we get from the action. Continue reading
This heaven will pass away and that which is above it will pass away. The dead are not alive and the living will not die. In the days when you ate what is dead, you made it alive. When you come into the light, what will you do? On the day when you were one, you became two. But when you have become two, what will you do?
~Gospel of Thomas (v.11)
This is a very cryptic line that Jesus spoke to his disciples concerning the purpose and meaning of life, as they knew it, as he knew it, and as God knows it. There are two levels of heaven that Jesus refers to here, or rather two perceptions of heaven both will pass away. The first, this heaven, that which we create through Love on Earth, and more personally, Jesus was referring to Himself, will pass away; he died on the Cross and our mortality is limited. The heaven above refers to that which took place prior to Creation, before their was opportunity to become enlightened and as we Christians refer to it, redeemed. Continue reading
I am accustomed to extreme bouts of mental unrest, and far too many events of staggering confusion in my disease of Paranoid Schizophrenia. At times, my mind becomes the battlefield of a war that seems to never end and the carnage is the deep wounds of a fractured psyche and phobias that resonate with the call to arms in a futile attempt at control. Continue reading
“Religion has lost sight of Jesus’ message…We aren’t focused on the great mystery. Rather religion has tended to create people who think they have God in their pockets, people with quick, easy glib answers. That is why so much of the West is understandably abandoning religion. People know the great mystery cannot be that simple and facile. If the great mystery is indeed the Great Mystery, it will lead us into paradox, into darkness, and into journeys that never cease. That is what prayer is about.”
~ Fr. Richard Rohr (a Jesuit Priest)
One of the wonderful things about prayer is that it isn’t predictable. It is delving into the the ultimate unknown, but never is it unknowable. Continue reading
I have cast fire on the world and, look, I am guarding it until it blazes.
If any person has had words that have sparked a flame in the heart of people and grew to brilliance, Jesus is definitely one of them. The wisdom in his teachings are impressive and I love how he teaches with story and parable. In the very effort of understanding him he weeds out those who desire to know from those who have no passion for Wisdom. Continue reading
It takes some fortitude to do what is best, what in our soul is right, and yet be the accused in the eyes of many. Continue reading
I’ve mentioned often my quest for Wisdom and seeking silent serenity through prayer and meditation. It is not always easy to quiet the mind especially for someone who has ADHD and is Schizophrenic. The mind races all the time and though medicine help quiet that down some it is still like trying to find a quiet moment in Grand Central Station. Continue reading
This morning I sat on the patio and watched the Dawn break up the canopy of night and replace the twinkle of the heavens with brilliant blues and rays of yellow and orange. I watch this time after time, morning after morning and I never tire of it. Continue reading
Being thankful has proven to be a growth process like everything else on the path to spiritual maturity. And like everything else I can only view it as a process once I’ve stood at a later stage of development and look back upon it. Continue reading
As I thought about what to type I adjourned from my place before the computer to a separate retreat for prayer. In what follows I wanted to try and capture what takes place for me during these times, which in itself is an instructional guide for me.
There are many forms of Prayer from countless religious traditions, and I have experienced, at least in part, many of these. Continue reading
Ideo dilexit me amare.
Amo ergo sum.
One of the most beautiful and gracious gifts I’ve received as a result of my spiritual journey is the constant confirmation that “I am loved.” Continue reading