Finding my need for atonement again

“A broken and contrite heart, O Lord, you will not despise.”  Psalm 51:17

It is difficult sometimes to have a mental deficit that keeps me on guard during schizophrenic episodes, and remember who I am underneath it all.  I get lost in the stories that fill my mind and they often are very anti-spiritual, definitely anti-Christ in persuasion, and my faith is buried in an effort to protect the Heart that is so precious to me, one that developed in a Love that taught me to accept myself as I am, and give all of myself in service to Love for another.  Continue reading

Intimate kiss of silence…

The darkness of the early morn covers me like a shroud.  The prayer of my slow rhythmic breath is felt upon the skin of my folded hands, fingers interlaced and humbly I’m knelt in submission to the peace I so rarely know in the midst of my mental battles, yet drawn back during the moments of sanity I am graced with now.  In this act my life is resurected once more. Continue reading

The Gospel of Thomas (v. 11)

This heaven will pass away and that which is above it will pass away.  The dead are not alive and the living will not die.  In the days when you ate what is dead, you made it alive.  When you come into the light, what will you do?  On the day when you were one, you became two.  But when you have become two, what will you do?

     ~Gospel of Thomas (v.11)

This is a very cryptic line that Jesus spoke to his disciples concerning the purpose and meaning of life, as they knew it, as he knew it, and as God knows it.  There are two levels of heaven that Jesus refers to here, or rather two perceptions of heaven both will pass away.  The first, this heaven, that which we create through Love on Earth, and more personally, Jesus was referring to Himself, will pass away; he died on the Cross and our mortality is limited.  The heaven above refers to that which took place prior to Creation, before their was opportunity to become enlightened and as we Christians refer to it, redeemed.  Continue reading

A peace without pictures.

I am accustomed to extreme bouts of mental unrest, and far too many events of staggering confusion in my disease of Paranoid Schizophrenia.  At times, my mind becomes the battlefield of a war that seems to never end and the carnage is the deep wounds of a fractured psyche and phobias that resonate with the call to arms in a futile attempt at control.   Continue reading

The Gospel of Thomas (v.10)

I have cast fire on the world and, look, I am guarding it until it blazes.

 

If any person has had words that have sparked a flame in the heart of people and grew to brilliance, Jesus is definitely one of them.  The wisdom in his teachings are impressive and I love how he teaches with story and parable.  In the very effort of understanding him he weeds out those who desire to know from those who have no passion for Wisdom. Continue reading

The Breath of Life

I’ve mentioned often my quest for Wisdom and seeking silent serenity through prayer and meditation.  It is not always easy to quiet the mind especially for someone who has ADHD and is Schizophrenic.  The mind races all the time and though medicine help quiet that down some it is still like trying to find a quiet moment in Grand Central Station.   Continue reading

Twilight’s fire!

This morning I sat on the patio and watched the Dawn break up the canopy of night and replace the twinkle of the heavens with brilliant blues and rays of yellow and orange.  I watch this time after time, morning after morning and I never tire of it. Continue reading

Gospel of Thomas (v.9)

The sower went out, filled his hand and sowed.  Some seeds fell on the road; birds came and gathered them up.  Others fell on the rock and did not root in the earth and did not produce.  Others fell among thorns; the thorns choked the seeds and worms ate them.  But others fell on good ground and brought forth good fruit.  These yielded sixty per measure and one hundred and twenty measures.

Continue reading

True Prayer

As I thought about what to type I adjourned from my place before the computer to a separate retreat for prayer.  In what follows I wanted to try and capture what takes place for me during these times, which in itself is an instructional guide for me.

There are many forms of Prayer from countless religious traditions, and I have experienced, at least in part, many of these. Continue reading

The Gospel of Thomas (v.8)

Humankind is like a wise fesherman who cast his net into the sea.  He drew it out of the sea full of small fish.  The wise fisherman found among them a large, good fish.  He threw all the small fish back into the sea and chose the large fish without hesitation.  Whoever has ears to hear, let him hear. Continue reading

The voice of God

“Few things under heaven are as instructive as the lessons of Silence”

~Lao Tsu

In the early morn, the stillness of darkness is balanced by the passive reflection of the bright moon.  There are no clouds and though my part of the world is covered in shadow, the ambient glow makes the aura of the hour much more compelling to be awake. Continue reading

Transformation

In Tibetan, the word for blessing means “transformation through majesty or power.”  In short, the meaning of blessing is to bring about, as a result of the experience, a transformation in one’s mind for the better.

~Dalai Lama

This has been the Truth I have found on my Spiritual Journey through life.  The “renewing of my mind” is not something that is just the result of what I read, but the experience of a power greater than myself drawing from God, my Higher Power, Creation, the Universe, my inner self, whatever is most comfortable to term it for you, the majesty of wonder and awe that inspires and remolds my understanding into something I have never known before. Continue reading