I’m at the museum yesterday. I meat this girl, she’s pretty, we talk, but their is one more thing…. Continue reading
A day off, and I need a change of scenery! I need more than that…I need to experience something of significance. I need to step out of my day to day, beyond the casual escape of the routine and into the profound; I need to step into something Sacred. Continue reading
Too much, to put everything into perspective! A lot of changes going on in my life, nothing new for me that is true, but I usually try to find something stable and then let everything else gravitate around that. In so doing, I keep a place of calm for me to focus on while the rest is all, well… FUCKED! Right now, everything is in motion, nothing is settling down…I’m making choices based on the long term, and the universe is keeping me in chaos in the moment!! Continue reading
What does God say to me? What are my experiences with God? These are personal experiences I ain’t willing to share, and it frustrates some of my readers. I will share what I know in what you should seek, but I won’t share more than that…you have to find it on your own!! Continue reading
Sorry everyone, I haven’t written in a while. I’m in the process of discovering more about my place in this world and the relationship I have within the structures of reality that I once thought were firm and now know to be less than ideal for foundations and plans for the future.
I live in an existence that keeps me stretched between the spiritual and the physical, the emotional and the stoic, the practical and the fantasy, and the evident and the enigma. Every part of my existence is in flux most of the time, because of the choices I have made in seeking truth and never being willing to accept less than the culmination of my purpose in the venture I found myself engaged to do. I must be able to touch the extremes while still fully capable of finding my way back to a balance that allows me the vantage given to the most malleable substances known to exist. I must appear to conform enough to allow me to exist within a system while never becoming a part of the system itself. In doing that I must also remain true to the one rule I keep so as to have the one place in my life that does not ever change, nor vary from its course and remains my home port for all my endeavors.
I’m not surprised to find that even though things aren’t what they seem in the view presented for me to assimilate as the real world, I still find that the discovery of the real behind the mask is just as intriguing and alarming as not having known to look for it the first place. I state this because often it seems the world would seek to surprise me and it is almost always faltered in the attempt as I hate surprises and this coupled with an ardent sense of paranoia I am always watching for the next surprise to unravel before me so as to show me the secrets of the moment before they are displayed for the view of the universe as a whole.
I am currently learning computers. I have never studied html, tcp/ip, networking, dns hosting, and Internet structure before a month ago and this all came about because of others hacking my accounts with blue host, my email accounts with google and Microsoft, and then hijacking my various blog sites so that I couldn’t even enter them to blog. I soon discovered that the only way to combat such a thing far beyond my own abilities, is to get to know the terrain, the venue, and the medium in which all this is taking place so I am hard at work learning what I can each and every day.
I hope to be able to learn this internet and computer tech so as to make use of it in the future, besides just expending my interest and hobby into the blogosphere. My pursuit in these areas will be worthwhile and I hope to be skilled in these areas within a couple of years as I push forth in this effort to learn this field that I never fully appreciated before now.
I hope you all will keep following this blog and as I get my sites and other blogs situated and tethered to my website, I hope you will follow those as well. I still keep the passion for the unrequited love that has allowed me to be a romantic and seeker of more intimate understandings, for it is the pivot and port to which I refered to earlier, and that is a part of me that will remain true both now and forever.
Please forgive the rather haphazard thought process in this, but I’m just at the library and only have a few moments to make a post before I head out. I had to rebuild both my computers due to viruses, one is off to the shop and the other is awaiting new parts. 🙂
Peace to all of you, and Namaste!!!
For the last two days I’ve been diligently pushing myself to learn about social networks, the intricacies of website management, and the frustrations of being completely foreign to the code and necessary knowledge to not find myself spending hours to try to perform a task, only to suffer repeated failure for the effort. I found a way to satisfy my design desires for my by blog, while the added features that I will eventually add are on my to do list; continual education into a vital market for me as a writer.
As an introvert I find this adventure I’m on a contradiction. I easily find myself in temporary seclusion, pouring over books, contemplating matters of the mind and the spiritual life that has enticed me much as writing does. Over the last year I’ve allowed myself to share a great deal through my endeavors at maintaining a public blog for the first time. It is a natural fit to be alone and typing and then at the same time effectively reaching over a 1000 people with the silent voice of my words; the internet has broadened my circle of fellowship and it appears will be growing exponentially as the year progresses and I build this network of fellow bloggers, writers, seekers tweeters, teachers, and more. Continue reading
href=”https://iamzion.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/i-am-healthy-and-filled-with-energy_large.jpg”>In the overall compilation of my days during the last few years I must admit that a negative tone that accompanies my depression resonates strongest and clearest as the predominant first seat to the symphony of my life. Yet, today, I choose to share the pleasure of finding myself delighted with the interaction that transpired between this man and the world at large. Continue reading
Finding that pattern that I could step into as I endeavor to write as a career instead of just a hobby has been frustrating in the details. (Although, I’m told until I start earning a stipend that is livable so I know longer have to continue in construction as needed to pay bills it’s still a hobby.) I have tried pen and paper, keyboard, different rooms, but I get so easily distracted at home which always leads to no inspiration as I seek to either capture my thoughts on the mystical search for Truth or toil in nothingness as I contemplate my first novel and the story that has been churning in my mind for a decade without an outlet for it to live. Continue reading
I spent the evening with friends and it seems they were each needing some time with a friend that lets them share anything and everything that has built up and has been festering beneath the surface of their individual realities for sometime. It’s in moments like this that the art of keeping the dialogue to a more gentle openness, a passive activity in silence because most of the time they don’t need advice; they need a friend willing to become the role of support that is found in an understanding and receptive confidant. Tonight I was useful in the lives of others by quietly offering a silent sanctuary for their concerns, feelings, thoughts, and need for such a repository to be secured with a trust that keeps these confidences bound to the friend they leaned upon. Continue reading
In the process of healing and through some recent events that left me with a great bit of time to contemplate about what it is I want to pursue, I’ve found that I haven’t given myself enough opportunity to become the person I truly enjoy. I’ve spent so much time drowning myself in yet more and more addictions because it is not what I want life to be and seeking an escape that I’ve failed to offer myself the very things that would allow me to value what I’ve been given. Continue reading
The darkness of the early morn covers me like a shroud. The prayer of my slow rhythmic breath is felt upon the skin of my folded hands, fingers interlaced and humbly I’m knelt in submission to the peace I so rarely know in the midst of my mental battles, yet drawn back during the moments of sanity I am graced with now. In this act my life is resurected once more. Continue reading
There is a place for me to run and hide, it is cold and wet, but in the mist and the dark the yellow lights don’t pierce so bright and a shadow becomes an intimate friend. It exists still, but only I can visit, the mind’s eye knows the way and even as I describe it, the picture presented won’t be quite the same.
The moist night air is heavy upon my sweater and I had fallen a couple of times trying to get away. Continue reading
Coming out the other side of a psychotic slip…I haven’t eaten in a couple of days, stayed in bed for near 27 hours, my mind surfing through programing like the remote is broken and I feel wiped out, clik-clack..pow! To much information to sift through….my brain feels like it just lived through a 24 hour infomercial selling everything known to man….tilt! tilt!
So what does this mean for me….well, it means I have to spend the next few days figuring out what new programming I have adopted …like right now I am convinced I’m fat and I’m refusing to eat; I don’t know why I have this mental block on eating at the moment but the only thing I will allow is milk vitamins and coffee. It isn’t logical, if I try to discover why, it won’t make any sense, so I no better than to waste time on questions that are not based in reason. The facts stand that during the last 24 hours I adopted a new aversion to food, and I have to fix it, or just not eat. Weird?? Try living this way! It like living through a system crash, and brain just got hacked and left with a virus. Only I’m stuck with this brain, I can’t just run down to Walmart and pick up another HP model for a couple more years until it tanks. This is the life I live and that is that! I believe I find such hope and beauty in simple things for the very reason that I know it can all go away just that quick, and then fighting to have that one moment of peace is fleeting at best, but I’ll get there again, and I’ll go this again…it’s just the way it is.
“True Peace with ourselves and with the world around us can only be achieved through the development of mental peace.” ~ Dalai Lama I question this having to live with the reality that mental peace can be stripped away like the aftermath of a Hurricane. I have little control over this, and I have developed these control methods in isolation and staying in bed to ride out the storm like anyone would do huddled in a shelter waiting for the calm to return, knowing for well that what they are hoping for, and I am waiting for, will come but it isn’t in my control on the timing of that event.
I’m not pleased with my writing today. Normally my writing even in prose keeps a poetic flow to it like a peaceful song, and I’m so out of balance that natural tuning fork that keeps my gift in harmony with the Presence of ALL Things is being drowned out by the remnants of hurricane Zion. I’m glad I have both Psych and Therapist appointments this week. Maybe I’ll be better in a few days and can enjoy my gift again. Today, my gift is just an effort to pick up the pieces and get back to living.
I’m, for the most part, a solitary man, keeping to myself, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a wild social side to me, I just keep that in check for the most part and only let that part of me see the light of day on special occasions with close friends. Continue reading