Religion Renewal…

“In the West,

religion became preoccupied

with telling people what to know

more than how to know,

telling people what to see

more than how to see.”

                             ~Richard Rohr

Believe it or not, Richard Rohr is a Franciscan Priest in the Catholic tradition.  I find it very refreshing to find not only believers in Christianity, but a member of the leadership and fraternal order to have rediscovered the contemplative awakening of a relationship with the Presence that indwells each of us and I also find in Fr. Rohr a kindred spirit, so to speak, as he speaks and writes very similar to the Truths that I write about both on this blog and in my journals. Continue reading

Always & Forever

A common theme to my interior life and thus to much of my creations is Unconditional Love.  It is devotion and passion without boundaries.  It is something that at birth we are all capable of giving for it appears to be imprinted upon us through the process of creation itself.  With the first kiss of breath, that very moment that Life sparks within the essence of a babe the ability to Love is Present, only through experience and degeneration are we brought low to exist with the walls of fear for possible injury and threat to our emotional and physical security. Continue reading

Gospel of Thomas (v.6)

His Disciples asked Him, “Do you want us to fast?  How shall we pray?  Shall we give alms?  What diet shall we keep?”

Jesus said, “Do not lie and do not do what you hate, because all things are revealed in the sight of heaven.  For nothing is hidden that will not be revealed, and nothings is covered that will remain covered.”  (v.6)

I love that the first thing Jesus tells them is don’t offer to take on religious burdens that you hate doing, the very fact that you hate it means your every action and deed in those offerings to God is a lie, you aren’t fooling him nor are you endearing yourself to him. Continue reading

Gospel of Thomas (v.5)

Jesus said, “Recognize what is in front of your face, and what is concealed will be revealed to you.  For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed.”  (v.5)

The recognition of what is taking place around us is a depth of understanding that requires the wisdom and development of a contemplative mind.  This type of contemplation was employed by the mystics of their day, not for objective analysis, but rather with an openness to what is beyond the 5 senses.  This is an understanding that this mortal flesh is a wondrous advancement in mortal evolution and a gift to be cherished but that there are things to be experienced beyond what this flesh has yet conceived of even attempting to know.   Continue reading

The selfless self!

“The Sage wants to remain behind,

But finds himself at the head of others;

Reckons himself out,

But finds himself safe and secure.

Is it not because he is selfless

That his Self is realized?”

           ~Lao Tsu

Anyone who has began the journey of loving another unconditionally will soon discover that the self, that inner part of us that always came first until this venture, must be made sacrifice for the good of the Beloved.   Continue reading

The Birth of Silence

In the darkness I am open with a sight not known to me.  Standing at the edge of nothingness, when all that is fades from shape and future into a formless void, I see the beginning of all things as it was before the birth of creation.  The breath of Me is still present, I can know it yet separated from an empirical perception, in a state of existence where senses are bereft of knowledge and an effortless consciousness is required to become aware of the unattainable…tranquil silence. Continue reading

Gospel of Thomas (v.4)

Jesus said, “The person advanced in days will not hesitate to ask an infant of seven days about the place of life, and that person will live.  For many who are first will be last and they will become a single one.” (v.4)


Androgynous: referring to an individual with both masculine and feminine characteristics.

There is much to the mystery here, but there are so many stories in common to ancient literature about becoming One.  A common theme in the Gospel of Thomas, and my opinion why the Council of Nicea did not include it in the Christian canon, is Jesus doesn’t teach an end time scenario of wrath and retribution against sinners, but rather a return to the beginning, a return to how things were prior to the division of Man and Woman. Continue reading

Gospel of Thomas (v.3) Nosce te ipsum!

If those who lead you say, “Look, the kingdom is in heaven,” then the birds of heaven will precede you.  If they say, “It is in the sea,” then the fish will precede you.  Rather, the kingdom is within you and outside you.  When you know yourselves, you will be known, and you will know you are children of the living father.  But if you do not know yourselves, you live in poverty and you yourselves are the poverty. (v.3)

Nosce te ipsum

No one, no leader, no pastor, no teacher, no friend, no parent is able to tell anyone else who they are, that discovery must be made by each one of us; and it is imperative to understanding that we begin our journey in this life with this venture into our own person.  The more we depend on others to show us who we are the more mountains we will build that will unltimately stand in our way to that discovery later, and the greater the range of mountains the more difficult the task will be. Continue reading

Gospel of Thomas (v.2)

Jesus said, “Let whoever seeks not cease from his seeking until he finds.  When he finds, he will be troubled.  When he is troubled, he will marvel and will reign over all.”

A treasure hunt!  When Jesus teaches he isn’t looking to instill his Wisdom into every casual observer, but lets them know if you want to understand, if you want to be wise, you have to be tenacious; a passion for what you seek is a requirement in the realm of spiritual understanding and wisdom of Life. Continue reading

Gospel of Thomas (v.1)

Jesus said, “Whoever finds the interpretation of these sayings will not taste death.”

This introductory saying to the Gospel of Thomas carries with it a promise; that promise combined with the word taste reminds me of the biblical story of Adam & Eve, another teaching that carried a promise as the result of understanding through taste.  “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.”  (Genesis 2: 16b-17)  Let us take for granted these sayings are meant for us to ponder and understand Truth…I honestly don’t care if there was an Adam and Eve, if there was so be it, if not, so what!  I’m not looking to build upon the theologies of Judeo/Christian religions nor argue apologetics in this discourse, I’m just mining Truth, and sifting for the precious gems of Wisdom to be found.

First I will delve into the Genesis account and then relate what I find to the teaching of Jesus.  I notice that it is implied that Good & Evil already exist, but perhaps they are not segregated, meaning to begin to label one thing as Good and another thing as Evil is exactly what was forbidden, because the day that is given place in our lives, is the day the fear of being judged as one or the other becomes predominant in our thoughts.  Hence, prior to this, there was no need for religion, because there was no fear of judgment, nor no need for a judge.  The whole concept of God would of been different, perhaps just the way Jesus taught, for an unconditional love doesn’t discriminate between Good & Evil, because there is no condition that can ever be met to prevent that Love.

Since the understanding of Good & Evil, God remained out of reach, so life remained destined to be the product of what was done or not done, but as the absence of that Life came through the understanding of judgment and descrimination, so Life once again may be attained through the understanding that Love does not differentiate.  The beloved disciple is accredited to have written these words:  “There is no fear in love; but perfect love cast out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears in not perfected in love.”  (John 4:18)  And one more quote from the Garden Story:  “The man and his wife hid themselves [because they were now afraid]….therefore the Lord God sent them out from the garden of Eden” (Genesis 3:8b, 23).

All of this comes to my mind as I ponder what it means to understand what Jesus is teaching, and I just had to share that.  Life is a product of Love!

The mind of the Schitzo!

I’m surprised i can write, I’m in the middle of episode.  I don’t know which is worse the fact that I’m lost in a delusion or I drank so much beer I’m having dt’s today without one (shakes, cold sweats, muscle tension).  I’ve had a beer and I’m going to see if maintenance drinking takes care of it, if not then my delusion tells me my landlady is poisoning me with strychnine, lacing my coffee and ice cubes with a weed killer of some sort.  I just happen to know that the symptoms for strychnine poisoning are very similar in affect, not that I’m use to being poisoned but strychnine is a common ingredient in LSD and if too much is used then facial muscle constriction and the above symptoms along with vomiting may occur.

If it truly is dt’s which a reasonable person should suspect, then a few beers should make it all go away.

So, last night I went through an all night “flip out” again…when it gets so bad I can’t stop it….I sit lotus style, hold tight to a pillow, rock back and forth, and pray for someone  else….lately there is particular girl I pray for, I picture her smile and it calms me down….I was so scared last night.  I hate admitting that, but I’ve been through this so many times, and I always go through it alone….sometimes I wish someone was here to talk me through it, but then again, it is hard enough for me to handle….too see the pain in the eyes of someone who cared for me cause they didn’t know what to do might just be too much for me to take.

About 1am my mom was online and I called her and she asked me questions about normal life shit, which helped distract me for awhile.  After we hung up, I turned off the computer screen, inched through the darkness to my bed and sat there until the sun came up 5hours later, my mind never stopped and I never moved.  There is some comfort in the darkness.  When I came to the conclusion that my coffee was laced with poison, I got out of bed and had another cup!  If someone has the audacity to murder me, I outta at least give them the opportunity to succeed.  Sometimes, I hate being alive.  This is how I confront my parnaia…..”you wanna FUCK WITH ME…BRING IT!!’

15 years ago, I was in a delusional state, being beaten baseball bats, tied up, stuffed in a sleeping bag, doused with kerosene and set on fire….I saw the flames leaping off my body, and felt the heat….a voice said “aren’t you gonna get up and run.”  I yelled back, “fuck you!  Let me cook!”  Laid there until there could be no possible way I was still alive and the flames went away.  Now I pray, and think of someone that stands before like the promise of Eden, only those who are CHOSEN as worthy may call her home.  I live somewhere East of her it seems, I forget the name of the place…was it Wink’n, was it Blink’n, no, it was Nod.   Back when I was ABLE to become something more I killed that part of me for whatever reason, maybe no reason at all, and I’m left bearing the mark of a CAINing, the mark of punishment, for the deeds I chose to pursue.  Eden is real enough, but only what could have been for me, only what could have been.

My hands are still shaking, my knees are week…I sound like old Elvis song….I’m all shook up!