Jewels in my Crown

honours471eAs with everything in my life, I alter the plans to work best for me in accomplishing the goals to be achieved from the pattern most of the rest of the world follows.  My idiosyncrasies prohibit me from achieving the desired outcome if I try to do things the way others do them; I spent a lot of years learning this about myself…if I do it another’s way, I always fail, without exception…I know how to adapt things for me, and when came to raising three children, I did the same thing.  I made decisions that would achieve the goals I set for them.  When I looked into the lives others who either were raising children, or had raised children I saw two common denominators…those successes and/or the failures in the lives of the children could always be traced back to the decisions of the parents, and those successes parents always take credit for, and the failures they always blame the children.

My children were unfortunate enough to wind up in a dysfunctional family, with parents who continually made bad choices and thought life was one big fucking party.  If I made choices concerning them the way I made choices for myself, they would have grown up making the same type of choices that I made, and from the beginning I didn’t want that for them, and so I sought the tools they would need to have so that I could make sure that by the time they were stepping into adulthood they would be prepared to face those decisions in a way I never considered before;  and not be jaded and scarred with a lifetime of learning life’s lessons the hard way. Continue reading

What I’m looking for…

There is reason why I have never married again!  It’s been, well, a long time…my wife left in 1999 (which devastated me)…left me to raise three children on my own, and they turned out fantastic!  I have had girlfriends.  I have made a lot of friends of the opposite sex, but I have kept myself from stepping back into

Sometimes what I see in a girl can't be captured in a photo...

Sometimes what I see in a girl can’t be captured in a photo…

another marriage because I won’t make the same mistakes again.  I’m looking for a foundation on which to build, and for someone who inspires me to become more than who I am…many women intrigue me, even more excite me…it’s the rare find that actually is strong enough to be what I need, and still weak enough to need me. Continue reading

The Sacred

long-journeyA day off, and I need a change of scenery!  I need more than that…I need to experience something of significance.  I need to step out of my day to day, beyond the casual escape of the routine and into the profound; I need to step into something Sacred. Continue reading

Honor

titles_of_honor_1614I have earned honor, received honor, and it must be said that I have also acted dishonorably in my lifetime.  I’m stepping into something that it would benefit me to acknowledge honors I would never have considered before, because I believe a name should announce who you are more than a title.  My name is Zion, and for those who know me, I hope it means…that’s a friend you can depend on, that’s a man who is willing to go the extra mile and more, and that is a man that won’t ever believe a person can’t reach their potential, and I’ll believe in you.  I know it means:  I’ve walked roads nobody else has walked!  I’ve made mistakes; I’ve made bad choices, but I’ve made GOOD choices that overshadow all the others! Continue reading

Dust to dust (experiencing God)

light through the cloudsWhat does God say to me?  What are my experiences with God?  These are personal experiences I ain’t willing to share, and it frustrates some of my readers.  I will share what I know in what you should seek, but I won’t share more than that…you have to find it on your own!! Continue reading

The Language of God

darkness and silenceThere are places and experiences that speak to the soul, that develop our interior and allow us to grow, to learn….to become.  Inevitably I find that silence always surrounds these.  Those who spend their lives filling the void with noise…something to distract them from the reality that they are alone, will always struggle to develop and mature as humans, as man and woman, and whatever awaits us beyond the mortal toil we call life.

Continue reading

A Season of Celibacy

A little over a year ago, I made a vow to be celibate, and I have been faithful to that decision.  I’m not convicted in a religious aspect; I honestly don’t believe sex is a sin, in any form between willing partners, for my readers who lean to conservative sides of their particular brand of worship, I respect your views, but I don’t share them.  I’ve decided to continue the practice again through 2014. Continue reading

I determine my worth!

brokenheartIt amazes to me that people everywhere, in my life where I live, and in the communities I dwell within the internet; they all go through relationship after relationship, and it’s always ending with a broken heart!  Believe me, I know that pain, I know every ache, tear, and negative self talk that comes with such volatile break ups, and I sympathize, I do.  It isn’t their pain that I am mystified about, it is the fact that they never learn to be more cautious with their heart.  Let me be clear, when I say cautious I do not mean that they simply withhold themselves from others in a walled little world to themselves.  I am stating that they need to recognize the vulnerability revealed through the suffering they feel is a testament to depth of emotion and their ability to become an actual piece of the life to which they have given that heart away.   That heart is the most precious gift that they possess.  Continue reading

Is the friend we need found in Jesus? Or is Jesus the friend we should be and find in each other?

Follow my example, worship me when that is completed.I spent the evening with friends and it seems they were each needing some time with a friend that lets them share anything and everything that has built up and has been festering beneath the surface of their individual realities for sometime.  It’s in moments like this that the art of keeping the dialogue to a more gentle openness, a passive activity in silence because most of the time they don’t need advice; they need a friend willing to become the role of support that is found in an understanding and receptive confidant.  Tonight I was useful in the lives of others by quietly offering a silent sanctuary for their concerns, feelings, thoughts, and need for such a repository to be secured with a trust that keeps these confidences bound to the friend they leaned upon. Continue reading

Finding my need for atonement again

“A broken and contrite heart, O Lord, you will not despise.”  Psalm 51:17

It is difficult sometimes to have a mental deficit that keeps me on guard during schizophrenic episodes, and remember who I am underneath it all.  I get lost in the stories that fill my mind and they often are very anti-spiritual, definitely anti-Christ in persuasion, and my faith is buried in an effort to protect the Heart that is so precious to me, one that developed in a Love that taught me to accept myself as I am, and give all of myself in service to Love for another.  Continue reading

Intimate kiss of silence…

The darkness of the early morn covers me like a shroud.  The prayer of my slow rhythmic breath is felt upon the skin of my folded hands, fingers interlaced and humbly I’m knelt in submission to the peace I so rarely know in the midst of my mental battles, yet drawn back during the moments of sanity I am graced with now.  In this act my life is resurected once more. Continue reading

The Gospel of Thomas (v. 11)

This heaven will pass away and that which is above it will pass away.  The dead are not alive and the living will not die.  In the days when you ate what is dead, you made it alive.  When you come into the light, what will you do?  On the day when you were one, you became two.  But when you have become two, what will you do?

     ~Gospel of Thomas (v.11)

This is a very cryptic line that Jesus spoke to his disciples concerning the purpose and meaning of life, as they knew it, as he knew it, and as God knows it.  There are two levels of heaven that Jesus refers to here, or rather two perceptions of heaven both will pass away.  The first, this heaven, that which we create through Love on Earth, and more personally, Jesus was referring to Himself, will pass away; he died on the Cross and our mortality is limited.  The heaven above refers to that which took place prior to Creation, before their was opportunity to become enlightened and as we Christians refer to it, redeemed.  Continue reading