I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

“I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.”  John 14:6cross2

“The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher.”  Luke 6:40

“If you’re not willing to be Jesus, don’t preach Jesus.”  ~ proverb of Zion

I must admit, I followed what I was taught blindly a very long time before I stopped looking to others to teach me what they knew about Jesus and started listening to His teachings for myself.  I stopped buying bibles with commentary, and started writing in the margins as I pondered the Truths that seemed to resonate in the message that I found Jesus to be teaching.  It is a painful memory for me to acknowledge that through some of the toughest struggles in my life, when I sought fellow Christians for answers they quote things to me like:  “God never gives us more than we can handle.”  and “Just keep your eyes on Jesus, and He will lead you through it.”   Continue reading

Jewels in my Crown

honours471eAs with everything in my life, I alter the plans to work best for me in accomplishing the goals to be achieved from the pattern most of the rest of the world follows.  My idiosyncrasies prohibit me from achieving the desired outcome if I try to do things the way others do them; I spent a lot of years learning this about myself…if I do it another’s way, I always fail, without exception…I know how to adapt things for me, and when came to raising three children, I did the same thing.  I made decisions that would achieve the goals I set for them.  When I looked into the lives others who either were raising children, or had raised children I saw two common denominators…those successes and/or the failures in the lives of the children could always be traced back to the decisions of the parents, and those successes parents always take credit for, and the failures they always blame the children.

My children were unfortunate enough to wind up in a dysfunctional family, with parents who continually made bad choices and thought life was one big fucking party.  If I made choices concerning them the way I made choices for myself, they would have grown up making the same type of choices that I made, and from the beginning I didn’t want that for them, and so I sought the tools they would need to have so that I could make sure that by the time they were stepping into adulthood they would be prepared to face those decisions in a way I never considered before;  and not be jaded and scarred with a lifetime of learning life’s lessons the hard way. Continue reading

What I’m looking for…

There is reason why I have never married again!  It’s been, well, a long time…my wife left in 1999 (which devastated me)…left me to raise three children on my own, and they turned out fantastic!  I have had girlfriends.  I have made a lot of friends of the opposite sex, but I have kept myself from stepping back into

Sometimes what I see in a girl can't be captured in a photo...

Sometimes what I see in a girl can’t be captured in a photo…

another marriage because I won’t make the same mistakes again.  I’m looking for a foundation on which to build, and for someone who inspires me to become more than who I am…many women intrigue me, even more excite me…it’s the rare find that actually is strong enough to be what I need, and still weak enough to need me. Continue reading

Dr. Zion :-) (deciding???)

Sometimes what I see in a girl can't be captured in a photo...

Sometimes what I see in a girl can’t be captured in a photo…

In 1999, I was on the phone with  Princeton University; I was seriously considering pursing my religious studies in Theology through them, and I had the grades to get in…that year saw the end of a marriage, me with three children under 8 on my own, and some serious depression!  I have the degree…I’ve written the thesis…I’m no where near who I was then.   Continue reading

The Sacred

long-journeyA day off, and I need a change of scenery!  I need more than that…I need to experience something of significance.  I need to step out of my day to day, beyond the casual escape of the routine and into the profound; I need to step into something Sacred. Continue reading

A Season of Celibacy

A little over a year ago, I made a vow to be celibate, and I have been faithful to that decision.  I’m not convicted in a religious aspect; I honestly don’t believe sex is a sin, in any form between willing partners, for my readers who lean to conservative sides of their particular brand of worship, I respect your views, but I don’t share them.  I’ve decided to continue the practice again through 2014. Continue reading

Timing, Decisions, and Change

destiny2I don’t know at what I age I learned to trust in things I couldn’t control to happen as I needed them to happen, but at some point along the road I call life I began to expect things to happen as I needed them too and make decisions as if my expectations were a given rather than a risk.  It hasn’t always been a graceful road, but I did learn that when I do such things (baring unforeseen interference to deliberately manipulate the outcome) that I would find that what I need is provided for along the Way.  There is a lot that goes into it, humility, acceptance, balance, and most of all, knowing that the greatest things I’m ever going to find almost always begin within me. Continue reading

The Sage still lives, but jaded…

To dye and live is to rise the rose within.It has been a long journey of spiritual seeking, truth hunting, fact missing, book buying, beer drinking, enigma entangled, proselytized confirmation to bring me to the land that is nowhere even remotely close to the evangelical convert of my youth, (silent thanksgiving) and in all fairness, I have found my spiritual answers for deities, demigods, and folklore galore!  I have my direction, my reason to live, and building purpose is slow going but not without hope of success, and still…I’m ready to step it up a level beyond what I can find to satisfy….because the Truth and answers I found were to questions I NEVER WANTED TO ASK!  And now I have all this knowledge of things left simpler had I just turned the page, sang the psalm, and put the quarter in the plate as it passed by, never the wiser, just another regular guy for my Sunday morning meet & greet with the other favorites destined to watch in glee as we see those poor people suffer for their stupidity in following false Gods and believing their traditions after only several thousand years of no other options and now look at ’em; tricked out and burning up the coal house, for Hell’s kitchen to teach them sinner’s the right way, or punish them for the wrong way, or fuck….hell, it’s probably incorporated and heaven and hell are subsidiaries of a larger conglomerate that has the thing fronted up and loaded to lose either way…but who am I to preach….wwjd??  Maybe we should stop seeking a way out of trouble and just say can you just help us make this fucking work right and live a little longer, because sometimes “this shit just sucks!”  [I apologize for the language…I will show some restraint now.]

Continue reading

It seems my muse requires office hours

typingFinding that pattern that I could step into as I endeavor to write as a career instead of just a hobby has been frustrating in the details.  (Although, I’m told until I start earning a stipend that is livable so I know longer have to continue in construction as needed to pay bills it’s still a hobby.)  I have tried pen and paper, keyboard, different rooms, but I get so easily distracted at home which always leads to no inspiration as I seek to either capture my thoughts on the mystical search for Truth or toil in nothingness as I contemplate my first novel and the story that has been churning in my mind for a decade without an outlet for it to live. Continue reading

Is the friend we need found in Jesus? Or is Jesus the friend we should be and find in each other?

Follow my example, worship me when that is completed.I spent the evening with friends and it seems they were each needing some time with a friend that lets them share anything and everything that has built up and has been festering beneath the surface of their individual realities for sometime.  It’s in moments like this that the art of keeping the dialogue to a more gentle openness, a passive activity in silence because most of the time they don’t need advice; they need a friend willing to become the role of support that is found in an understanding and receptive confidant.  Tonight I was useful in the lives of others by quietly offering a silent sanctuary for their concerns, feelings, thoughts, and need for such a repository to be secured with a trust that keeps these confidences bound to the friend they leaned upon. Continue reading

Finding my need for atonement again

“A broken and contrite heart, O Lord, you will not despise.”  Psalm 51:17

It is difficult sometimes to have a mental deficit that keeps me on guard during schizophrenic episodes, and remember who I am underneath it all.  I get lost in the stories that fill my mind and they often are very anti-spiritual, definitely anti-Christ in persuasion, and my faith is buried in an effort to protect the Heart that is so precious to me, one that developed in a Love that taught me to accept myself as I am, and give all of myself in service to Love for another.  Continue reading

Intimate kiss of silence…

The darkness of the early morn covers me like a shroud.  The prayer of my slow rhythmic breath is felt upon the skin of my folded hands, fingers interlaced and humbly I’m knelt in submission to the peace I so rarely know in the midst of my mental battles, yet drawn back during the moments of sanity I am graced with now.  In this act my life is resurected once more. Continue reading

Faith or Imagination?

I have found that much of what I use to believe or call faith was just imagination.  When I was younger and new to Christianity they told me to have faith and God would grant me that which I asked of him….then they would add, “as long as it isn’t selfish.”  It took me years of frustrated blind ignorance to come to understand that everything is selfish when I’m not surrendered to someone or something greater than myself.  Even my prayers for others would be selfish, or my service to the poor.  It all stems from “I feel sympathy” or “I feel good when I do this for you, or others”.  It all has a motivational basis within us that in some way or another ultimately comes back to what we get from the action.   Continue reading