I’ve always loved to write, ever since I was a young boy, though I neglected this gift I bear for too many years after high school. Even so, I have always kept a journal, private I would seek to use the English language to capture my ideas and shape them into coherent snippets of my thoughts and as I did, I learned to understand that I teach myself through the process of writing things out, because I ask myself questions, and I seek to explain as though I don’t understand what it is I’m actually writing about. It is sometime my own amazement that I didn’t understand a subject near so well as I do after I finish writing about it.
I studied Psychology and Religious Studies while in college, and in my quest for God and Wisdom, I have been received into both Protestant and the Roman Catholic Church. I tend to be very passionate and dedicated to my spirituality, and consequently, when I step into a religion I absorb as much of it as I am able in order to bring myself into the most thorough understanding of their beliefs as possible. As a result to this approach, I’ve seen through the eyes of both liberal and conservatives, and though i tend to see more commonalities than differences, my journey ultimately would lead me away from Religion all together.
During my separation from religion, I learned about Unconditional Love and the value of me as a person. I wish I could say I learned that in Church but the reality is that most people just don’t love this way, they love with the condition that you in someway meet an expectation, be likable, like or love me in return, have redeemable and respectable character traits, never use drugs or be homeless, don’t go to prison, there are limits to the love others will seek to give so that you may benefit without expectation of a return and definitely without expectation of how they wish you to relate to them. This I state because my view on Love is often the topic of my discourse here on my blog, that and what I glean through my prospects through religious studies. I choose to Love with this unreserved abandonment and I do so because I know how, because I am loved in just such a way only I never received this from another person….that is my major lament about all religions, why did I have to learn about Love by myself? Why don’t I see it in everyday life? The fact that I didn’t forced me to make a choice, if I needed to see the love I was looking for in this world, I was going to have to see it myself, or I just wasn’t going to find it.
I am still learning, because I know that there are definitely some things that I can’t forgive…they are few, but they do exist, and so I know now unlike I did a year ago, I can seek to give an almost unconditional love, however, if I can’t forgive it, then it does mean I can’t love you! If God has this limitation as well, then it may be more my reflection upon God, as I see me expressing the Love I sought to find in a God that seemed to be nowhere until I found evidence of Him in me.
I live in tune with my heart, and I’m passionate about my beliefs, yet I’m open to every one seeking their own spiritual journey in the way that seems best to them as long as it does no harm to others in the observance of that faith; I have a very low tolerance for hatred. Philosophies and ideologies that promote such intolerance and violence I will not condone, nor be silent as they march past, they will know I despise their hatred while loving the freedom that allows them to be so intolerant in spite of my disgust. That being said, I will follow posts to which I do not agree and even despise, and I read literature from many religious convictions.
I prefer balance; and I wish I could say that I find that by being a calm and centered person; I try to be, but my balance seems to exist in having equal extremes at opposite polarities….My strengths are defined and gifted, and my weaknesses are ingrained and destructive. It is a constant parade and scar upon the ego to be both my own best instrument for success and the cause of most of my personal failures.
It has been a long road for me, and I know that I’m only just getting started. My children are now off in college, (I’m proud of them; they each are a treasure.) I find myself embarking on a new adventure, a new life to lead, as they are now on their way to finding themselves, and I having found myself am now on my way to discover where it is I can be the most I can be. It may prove thus: in writing, both in print and the internet, I ponder what I glean from the source that I am, and I do so openly in avenues such as these, so that as I teach myself the depths of truths and meditate upon the Wisdom of experience, perhaps a passerby may find just the piece of a puzzle they need to discover what vexed them until now.
Thank you for your visit. Feel free to flip through the pages. And drop a comment…I love to chat!