Too much, to put everything into perspective! A lot of changes going on in my life, nothing new for me that is true, but I usually try to find something stable and then let everything else gravitate around that. In so doing, I keep a place of calm for me to focus on while the rest is all, well… FUCKED! Right now, everything is in motion, nothing is settling down…I’m making choices based on the long term, and the universe is keeping me in chaos in the moment!!
Well, that’s not exactly true…I have a brief few hours after work that I write, listen to music and just focus on what I want. I have that right now; my gym is another, but I’m having transportation issues so it’s an at home thing and so not something I enjoy, something I have to make myself do, without the benefits of hot tub, steam room, and everything that makes having a gym worth having!
Housing…a few years ago I was sitting down with financiers discussing options on a home in a Hawaii. Not now!! I don’t care about the money, but I hate being not sure what is going to happen…and I hate knowing I have to fight for average! I deserve better than that!! That is one of the reasons I won’t skimp on a gym membership; everybody deserves to be spoiled in some way, I love a good gym, and I want a gym that means I have access to things that my pay just can’t afford…and I’ve worked both social services and construction…I hate construction, but both need what a good gym/spa can offer; a release, and an escape…that isn’t illegal! 🙂
I’m hoping I can step into a chaplain position with the legion that will allow me to give of myself to this community…I want this a lot. I also know that if I can just establish that, I can offer much more. I’m a person that has to give at some level, and I went to school not to earn a better living but to provide more opportunities to give. I like real work!! That is why I keep the job I got, it’s physical, and something I enjoy. My gifts are more oriented toward knowledge, but I like working hard….it feels good.
Right now, I’m hoping for a couple of years to establish myself as a chaplain, and in my position at my work. If I can get this, I think I will find some of the stability I desire so much in my life. 🙂