I determine my worth!

brokenheartIt amazes to me that people everywhere, in my life where I live, and in the communities I dwell within the internet; they all go through relationship after relationship, and it’s always ending with a broken heart!  Believe me, I know that pain, I know every ache, tear, and negative self talk that comes with such volatile break ups, and I sympathize, I do.  It isn’t their pain that I am mystified about, it is the fact that they never learn to be more cautious with their heart.  Let me be clear, when I say cautious I do not mean that they simply withhold themselves from others in a walled little world to themselves.  I am stating that they need to recognize the vulnerability revealed through the suffering they feel is a testament to depth of emotion and their ability to become an actual piece of the life to which they have given that heart away.   That heart is the most precious gift that they possess.  It is treasure beyond comprehension.  That insists that we use some wisdom, take some time, and watch and observe if the  person to whom we consider giving this part of ourselves can be trusted to protect it at all cost!  The lack of that ability is what we keep finding when we experience our devastation with another who didn’t actually fulfill the love they may have claimed.

Listen my wonderful, yet ever so foolish friends:  if you don’t love yourself  enough to demand that someone prove trustworthy BEFORE you invest in them all you, (and your heart is ALL of you), then how will you ever find anyone that doesn’t ultimately contribute to the next broken depression.  I mean it!  It is always up to us, the ones who feel such deep and wonderful emotions that must also do the work to protect this spring of life within us.  Every time we choose to risk it all, especially when after so many we prove we don’t understand we are picking the wrong ones, and we choose so poorly because we ain’t looking for what counts.  The absence of the wisdom to know how to measure the worth of a Lover,  we listen to their praise and “I love you’s” as if we have no idea that people are capable of lying and even not knowing what love is to be able to honestly give it.  We look to religion to set the standard, or we listen to our ministers who speak of a god who hates immorality, and so we trust in the stable presentation of fiscal responsibility, a conservative morality, and making some public proclamation to their allegiance to Jesus.  This too is evident of failure as their our just as many heart breaks, divorces, failed relations, and suicides within Christianity, as there are in the lives of those outside of said tradition.  Again, no proof for establishing an ability to hold us in the highest value measurable, and protect that treasure as though they would never live again if they lost it.  Don’t say that is too much, we fight battle all the time for our freedom, way of life, causes, religions, and even petty hatreds we hold to at all cost sometimes.  Why is it so unfathomable to believe that someone could love us with such conviction?  Now the hard question, do you love yourself with that much conviction?

I’m stressing this because we can only break so many times before we don’t put back together the way we were before, and it may just be that the treasure we were intrusted to protect and use to it’s fullest, will be rendered scared, broken and dying; and it will be because we gave it to those who didn’t deserve to have that in the first place.  Mistakes and betrayal happen to the best of all of us, but believe me when I say, one or two heartbreaks should cover a lifetime……..not a few years.

Self-EsteemJesus taught we were not to throw Pearls before swine.  Pigs don’t value pearls; and no matter how many times you try, no pig will ever value the Pearl.  Most people don’t appreciate the value of themselves let alone be capable of living as though this partner is the best of me and most important element to my life in this world.  We are surrounded by people who place importance in every other thing immangible, yet fail to place that singular penacle of priority  in the only part of us that actually needs it!

I can tell you straight; even though I have no desire to spend the rest of my life alone, without someone to bring it into what I can’t be on my own, I have invested in myself the conviction that I’m worth what I’m expecting and waiting to observe in a lover!  It is ME that places the highest importance upon this treasure that I possess.  I establish what I am worthy to receive and honestly, I don’t observe too many that live as though they understand that it is the heart that matters, and a devotion to it, should be expected.  I pick apart my life contemplating the things various groups, traditions, and cultures often claim to be what will be judged; and I’ll be the first to point out the flaws (and Goddamn’t I’m aware of them all), but I also know that my heart is the piece of my life that allows me to be me.  My heart opens me up to avenues of compassion, faithfulness in friendship, fierce loyalty, and even this glorious ability to write with immeasurable passion spuring it forward, flowing through it and even reaching into lives of strangers to aid in some way, and I would be none of that without this jewel that defines it all.   I know that I am not the measure of my failures.  I am not the value of my success.  Neither am I ever going to be judged  by my money, my religion, my morality, my language, or my patriotism.  I am the value of my heart!  I establish to the rest of the world that it is what I consider my value that matters in this purpose.  I prove it by entering into friendships, dating, placing value upon the people that are in my life, but I always withhold my heart for myself, I love them, I don’t give them my love, and I never will…that is for someone who knows the value of what they hold, and I guarantee you,it will be found in someone who cherishes and lives in the understanding of the treasure their heart is in them.  Only two people with such conviction are capable of trading hearts, giving themselves completely to the other, and in doing so they are both at the same time completely in love with the who they are together and will live and die to protect what they have found.

valentine1It is not my intention to lead people away from romance, by turning them off from everything beyond the fairytale ending.  Romance is a prelude to real love, not its essence, and therefore not necessarily something a life must go without because it chooses to withhold the greater part; Practice a chastity of the heart, give away oneself completely very rarely, and  be patient.  To know a person requires proximity and time; what is important them will be observed if those two requirements are met.  Nobody can hide who they are forever, and so we have to be close and we have to give it time.   I’m not going to debate chasitity versus relationships where sex is present, love can be present, but an attaching of who we are and all we can be is what causes the suffering when we split, and that attachment should not be given unless you trust completely in the person to know my life is in you now, that is what Love is all about.  We just don’t do it right!

I ruffle the feathers of the fundamentalists when I share that God isn’t that concerned with where we put our thingys!  I respect chastity in those that value it; I have tried to embrace it, but I didn’t like it, so I don’t do it.  I keep attention upon the Truth that I hold dear, I’m worthy because of who I am, and I insist on treating myself in manner worthy of that, and guess what, I never fail to forgive myself for the sins others point out and I simply don’t care about.  T

There are MANY reasons why people often are prohibited from ever even knowing who they are.  Their hearts are not allowed to come to the surface and live, and the reasons are vast as the sands of HiddenTreasurethe deserts.  You have to be in people’s lives giving love, and you have to do this in a manner that protects that precious part of you that shouldn’t be placed in a situation that shatters it, time and time again.  Give love be being present not giving yourself away.  It’s all about attachment and that has wonderful potential for those who find that match, but attachment leads to devastating effects that eventually no longer heal.

I hope each of you experience deep emotion, live passionate lives, and find a way to protect that part of you that is irreplaceable in all creation.   That center, the essence of the heart within…… YOU!