There have been phases of my life where sex has played different roles, and when I was younger I chased that itch with more fervor than I would ever consider now, but if it had not been for alcohol I do not believe I would have had intercourse at all these last few years. Alcohol has always allowed me to traverse a world I was not naturally comfortable in. As I’ve matured my views on sex, far from saintly I assure you, have changed. I have no puritanical ideology that prevents me from engaging in it, nor do I consider it sin. I do happen to believe that when senses are not dull and lacking from inebriation then One has to contemplate the deep intimacy that is shared in such embraces, and when sober, it is not something I choose to give away lightly, in fact, I’d prefer to wait for the One, that woman that fills my soul with purpose and possibilities. I’m always attracted to those who have chosen a narrower path and placed a high standard on their sex life, hopefully not out of fear of condemnation as much as the joy of sharing such moments with a select few or even one.
I have been contemplating this much, because I have had partners that know me only from the inebriated persuasion and thus have made assumptions about my caviler lifestyle that are not very accurate, and now I have the uncomfortable reality of letting them know, I’m sober now, and the sober me doesn’t do that. It is uncomfortable because I like this me better than the drunk me, although I spent 27 of my 41 years as the one given to intemperance.
I’m making no swearing off sex vows, but if it is to be in my life then it will be with someone that I have intimately grown close too, emotionally invested in, and with whom I am willing and eager to be monogamous. This is a great change for me; and one I am happy to embrace for the first time in my life. Is this a result of my spiritual journey? Most definitely, but as I have stated, it’s not based on a rule or some code of conduct, it is precisely what I have spoken, a change in attitude toward sex as I understand it, and most of all, to experience it in a manner I never have before, as something set apart and sacred to be shared between two intimates and cherished for all that it can be.
From where I stand, in view of what I see spiritually, I must say this is no sacrifice. I might have thought so 10 or 15 years ago, but sex without passion is worthless; no wonder I had to be drunk to entertain it, because my active passions, and my intellect were against it. I need more and as I discover more about who I am, then I find that I am someone who requires thoughtfulness in every area of life, and my approach towards sex must meet that criteria for me to be happy with it. Sharing this here makes it move from an idea to reality for me; it is not just something I’m entertaining, it is a way of life that I will embrace.
Thanks for letting me share! 🙂