Learning while living

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all got a practice run at living before we lived the life that counts?  I mean to have an opportunity to live through the mistakes, retain the knowledge and then do it right.  I like the idea of reincarnation, except it makes no sense if you can’t carry the information gained forward, I know me, even when I know the right answer I often make the same mistakes again, so I need every opportunity to learn and keep trying.

Well, as far as I know, this isn’t a trial run, it’s the only opportunity I’m given to learn about Love, Life, the Way, Hope, Happiness, Sorrow, Passion, and Peace.  I have to learn as I go.

For a meditator who has a certain degree of inner stability and realization, every experience comes as a teaching; every event, every experience one is exposed to comes as a kind of learning experience.

            ~ Dalai Lama

Meditation is key to making the most of every situation and gleaning the greatest yield of understanding about who I am, and how I may grow as result of a situation.

In my youth, I made choices that put me on the path to addictions that I would ultimately have to deal with and though I accept that I put myself on this path to enjoy certain aspects of the journey, kept the vices to deal with certain mental issues, embraced the habit to avoid the pain it buried, now I’ve become a man that no longer views the price on my current life worth sacrificing for the avoidance of pain from the past, and my openness and knowledge are advanced enough to seek the “proper” help with the mental issues.

I wish knowledge alone was the strength of resolve it takes to break a habit, but it is not.  I recently have made two attempts to quit drinking alcohol, because even though I’m a mellow drunk, it controls my life, I drink so much I have withdrawals if I don’t drink, and my writing and my personal balance suffer as a result, both of which are to high of a cost for me anymore.

I find it very difficult to make it much longer than one month sober.  I get insomnia very bad, and I don’t have the coping skills necessary to replace all that I have used this self-medication for in place yet, but I’m learning, and I am going to try again….and I’m going to keep trying until I get it right.

I know my biggest hurdle is always asking for help.  I just don’t do it.  None of the men in my family ever do.  We all grew up on John Wayne and the idea that life was meant to be faced proud and head held high, yet, pride don’t mean much if I’m failing at life because of it.

Because of my schizophrenia and some other rather menacing memories I’ve learned to endure a great deal and thus facing another round of insomnia and emotional trauma as I endeavor to become sober is daunting but something I know I will face head on and hope for the best.  I’ll do the best I can, and if I fail, then I will lick my wounds and try again, but I won’t give up; I want sobriety.

I used me and my fight for sobriety as an example in learning to live, but the concept of meditation and the application to every circumstance is what I hope people glean from this post.  

10 thoughts on “Learning while living

  1. Meditation is a wonderful way to get to a more balanced calm state which will allow you to better fend off the demons that haunt you. Personal growth is all about baby steps and being open to new thoughts and practices and forgiving yourself for missteps along the way. Stay strong. You can do anything you set your mind to do.

  2. great post! It seems AA could help you with your alcohol addiction now that it is at the point where it is a physical addiction. The return to that place where the schizophrenia took you seems to be what you are most afraid of and drinking makes the fear go away. But if you can overcome your fear and return to that place in your mind, you might find out, at this point, that it’s not such a bad place to be.

  3. ‘If we only knew then what we know now’ is a mantra I hear all the time. But that isn’t how life works. Even if experienced people warn us, we have to make our own mistakes and learn from them. There are times I wish it were easier, but then I stop dreaming and get on with life. We each have burdens to bear, and how we bear them tells so much about who we are. Keep trying – you’ll get there!

  4. Don’t overlook the importance of having a spiritual circle where you can meditate with others. Somehow, it strengthens and deepens the experience. Over the years, I’ve also found these often become my best friends, too.

  5. Thank you for sharing your struggles. We all have our crosses to carry. Hearing how others struggle to carry their crosses provides opportunities for assistance and guidance. Prayer has a big help in helping me carry my cross. The world debilitates us, but love fortifies us. I will keep you in my prayers. May God always guide your steps on the narrow path.

  6. I’ve been putting off taking up meditation. It’s on my “to-do” list, but somehow always gets bumped down to the lowest priority. I wish you so much luck with yours, as well as with your journey itself.

  7. I wish you well on your journey. Those who spend time searching for the path shall find it. Be strong, courageous, and focused. Although the road is as narrow as a razor’s edge, it may be found by those who seek it.

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