Lo do I know the pain of memories that haunt the night.  The mares both day and night come to steal what peace I pretend to have as I relive the agony of that which was stolen, taken by force as the brutish and evil wreak havoc upon the weak and the innocent.  The travesty of so many hurts and so many scars, supressed in the mind, pushed to the darkness in the corner of the attic, ignored but never forgotten, repressed but relived in the very psychosis addictions used to numb the realities of the callous world that spawns both friend and foe.

It’s not as it once was, sweat and fear turned to the void emotionless and abrasive stone that withstands the efforts of all to enter, both friend and foe.  Alone inside the safety of this lonely cell, my own guard and contained by the protections I built, or rather, consignment I enforced upon me, I long for peace; I long for freedom.

The sand drained from the glass one grain at a time, and with each grain the interior hell and torment reigned.  As time clocked out it’s slow t-i-c…t-o-c, the prison of my own design was penetrated by a Presence, yet not entered at all.  It seems this Presence was here prior to my pain, prior to my fear, prior to my protection, and throughout my addictions, silently enduring the sad saga in the hope that I would look inside and find the One who Loves me, has loved me from the first inhale of Life, and will, both now and forever.

In the moment of a single drop of rain the years are undone as the third eye sees what the first two didn’t, the passion for the soul bound for deaths door.  I must be free!!

Without a word said, the Presence begins to tear down the walls and blend the shadowy bedlam with the Light of day, slowly, gently, as the kiss of a breeze that pushes the rose but not the bee.  Pollinated with passion the Presence consumes the curse of the past to give birth to hope, that grows to faith.  It is an amazing transcendence to wake one day to discover one has become the very love the Presence gave so graciously and kind.  Now I understand…Love begins with me, and freedom is found within.

“Happiness is impossible without interior freedom.”

                        ~Thomas Merton

18 thoughts on “Presence

  1. “Merton was a true contemplative who saw divine presence in the natural world. For him, Nature was the perfect metaphor for the inner journey of the searching soul and he was able to beautifully photograph those metaphors”

  2. Thank you for following me. I pray (but secretly doubt) my heart will ever find that freedom within. Will you pray too?

  3. thanks for following me on accidental happiness!
    your blog layout is beautiful, and i am intrigued by the content. i see i have much to peruse here…
    good life to you, and inner peace mixed with joyful quirkiness…

  4. Hello Zion,

    There are many things about you that are very special & I feel honored that you found & are following me (Jodi Hyde: Intuitive Musings). Thank you for sharing your gift of writing with us. This particular post caught my eye, as I gather with other beautiful beings every Tuesday evening to meditate, pray & commune together, & the title of those gatherings are “Presencing Tuesdays”. Our presence is a gift to one another, as your writing is a gift to all of us.

    Also, all the many things you are exploring, wrestling with, writing about, praying about & delving into — compassion, poetry, depression, spirituality, alcoholism, meditation, mythology, scripture — resonate very strongly with me, as I too am on this journey, this journey as a human, this journey as Spirit, this journey into the core of who we are & what we are meant to contribute to this world. Stay with your curiosity.

    I know in the core of my being there are many more special aspects to your being & the one that jumped out at me immediately when I received the email that you are following me is your name, the very same name of our future son.

    Love & light to you, dear Zion.

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