In the darkness I am open with a sight not known to me. Standing at the edge of nothingness, when all that is fades from shape and future into a formless void, I see the beginning of all things as it was before the birth of creation. The breath of Me is still present, I can know it yet separated from an empirical perception, in a state of existence where senses are bereft of knowledge and an effortless consciousness is required to become aware of the unattainable…tranquil silence.
I am a novice in this pursuit, having rarely been given the experience of a quiet mind is a consequence of both the schizophrenic disorder I suffer and the lack of understanding into the very nature of Silence. The conscious effort to be silent is a fruitless task, for there comes a moment in the pursuit of peace where effort itself will disturb the very action one seeks to experience. The soul is the the conduit of the very Peace that is sought. I believe there will come a moment, the birth of knowing this in actual space and time when I no longer need to go through my ritualistic methods to reach such stillness with my consciousness. That statement is based on the experience of learning anything that one has previously never done before, with practice, like driving a car, pressing the clutch to shift while turning the wheel, and applying the gas, become something automatic, so too with this, I predict.
For me, meditation is best done in the predawn, to envelope myself and my senses in the very atmosphere I seek to become conscious, to aid in the exclusion of my senses. Lack of flexibility requires me to sit cross legged with my feet beneath my thighs, back straight, while legs relaxed, then I let go of effort and allow my soul to come into my conscious thought. The soul does not require the construct of language or thought to convey meaning, which is why we often don’t hear God speak to us, for it is in this silence, this secret hidden place within us, that Life and Love convey all that is and the very Breath of our existence is always on the verge of becoming….in the silence we find the beginning of the beginning, through an effortless movement from form to void and we hear God speak and become.
Though I have only danced on the edge of knowing perfect peace in the dawn of this experience, it is enough to convey that I desire more and I desire it every day. I’ve lived long enough devoid of the void, and deaf to silent perfection. I am ready to be born again!